I'm not trying to place blame here. All I'm saying is: Don't turn blame inwards towards perceived personality defects. In a different city or different friend group you might get drastically different results. I do turn inward when I think of things like "why I'm single": The reality is that I can change these habits if I really want to change the outcome. It feels bad sometimes, but it's the reality whether its "right" or "wrong". Few things make people as uncomfortable as telling them "hey, maybe your victim mentality isn't helping you and you actually do have a shot at this, you just need to work harder than others".
Life's not fair, I guess? If you don't want it that bad, then plenty of other, much more motivated men, will work for it.
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It's a little like entrepreneurship and complaining that your parents aren't millionaires and can't seed fund your first venture, so why even bother. Reading that genuinely made me feel uncomfortable but I'm glad you wrote it, I think I needed to hear that. Something about imagining all the other men who are much more motivated than me really gives me a deep desire to prove myself.
From what I've seen, the Bay Area men who struggle the most with dating really do have defective personalities — at least in the sense that they don't align with what most women want. Some introspection and focus on self improvement would often help them break out of their rut. Meekro 6 months ago. It's a zero-sum game, and the gender ratio guarantees that the majority of those trying to follow your advice will still fail.
I agree with you that adversity can lead to personal growth, but failing too many times can cause some people to become demoralized. You conceded as much when you said that "some men come out of the experience jaded and bitter. Have something interesting going on for you besides working at startup x. Why stack the deck against yourself?
Pick something from here: I agree with what you're saying, but I want to nitpick your data: For example, the reason El Paso, TX tops their chart is because lots of older women live there[1]. If you're single in your 20s and not looking to date a something woman , here's a gender ratio map that takes age and marital status into account: As someone who's nowhere close to any of those numbers and has had an exceptional level of success in the Bay, I can tell you that those requirements are bullshit, and very, very common justifications that men tell themselves to resort to inaction.
Dating is like anything else, it's a skill. So is knowing how to present yourself, how to be charismatic, how to market yourself, how to be at the right place at the right time. It's a crazy amount of effort, and it takes years, but again, if you want it bad enough, it's doable. It's kind of like fitness, it will take you many years and a serious amount of lifestyle changes and sacrifice to go from overweight to looking like a fitness model, but it's doable if that's what you want.
The Bay is hard, but then you can extend that reasoning to all dating. Why bother dating American women who want you to have your shit together? Buy a mail order bride from a third world country, who will appreciate you for putting a roof over her head. Go with that arbitrage then.
I am glad for your success, but my anecdata contradicts yours. From my social circle, I can tick off almost a dozen men who had a really rough time dating in the Bay Area.
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After they left for places with a better gender balance, they did dramatically better. They went from practically no dates to quite a robust social calendar. And, it seems that the quality of the women they were meeting got quite a bit better. They didn't all magically get smarter, funnier, fitter, etc. I'm sure that works. I wasn't suggesting that it wouldn't happen, only that you can fix it if you really want to put in the work. It's an uphill battle, but not unsolvable.
Like I said, if you want the least effort per dating success, go to the market where the women are the most desperate and pick the top of the pack, it's just economics. Sounds like a rat race, albeit a different flavor than what you'd see somewhere like DC. In other words, whatever was left of the Legion of Decency was about to be sent to its cold, boring grave. An effeminate, cross-dressing serial killer who murders women staying at his hotel — and gets into arguments with the skeleton of his dead mother — Norman Bates may have been in the closet, but the walls were definitely made of glass.
Blood and Roses This version of the ever-adaptable Carmilla was a catalyst for the lesbian-vampire wave to come. It starred Annette Vadim as an early screen version of the infamous undead character.
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Carmilla is distraught at the engagement of her cousin, Leopoldo — but his betrothed, Georgia, develops an affection for Carmilla that veers into implicit sexual attraction. Two women are invited to a haunted mansion by a male scientist who is investigating paranormal activities. Orgy of the Dead Orgy of the Dead is, essentially, a long dream sequence filled with dancing naked women.
This could have made for a bold examination of gender in horror, but instead it stays flat as a straightforward vengeance story.
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Christina wants payback on the men who killed Hans and drove her to suicide, and when the angry soul of Hans actually takes over the controls, he plots to seduce the men who killed him, using his newly enhanced bombshell body to sexually entice the men to their deaths. As film scholar B. Ruby Rich writes in her book New Queer Cinema: Arguably there was no such thing, just a scattering of gay and lesbian directors, often closeted, making films that were masquerading as mass-market heterosexual fare, albeit with the occasional gay or lesbian actor or subtle wink.
Sexual liberation was upon us in America, and so it followed that the monsters of horror became hypersexualized, too. And with the surge in queer visibility following the Stonewall Riots, LGBTQ characters were more explicitly present than ever onscreen: Subtext became text. Of course, queer characters were every bit as monstrous as they had ever been — but at least they were stepping out of the shadows. The celluloid closet was finally opening up, but there was still a long way to go when it came to representation.
Jekyll and Sister Hyde This gender-swapping story did a little more than its predecessor, Frankenstein Created Woman , to unpack the queer issues at hand when a male and female figure share the same body. In the pursuit of eternal life, Dr. Jekyll Ralph Bates starts experimenting on himself by intravenously taking female hormones. As a result, Jekyll transforms into a woman, Sister Hyde. The Vampire Lovers With censorship rules relaxing in a post-code Hollywood, the folks at Hammer Films decided to capitalize with this adaptation of Carmilla , which focuses on a young female vampire named Mircalla Karnstein.
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Mircalla goes by the name Carmilla as she seduces young women and kills folks in an 18th-century Eastern European town. To continue following the exploits of the Karnstein family, see Lust for a Vampire and Twins of Evil , which completes the trilogy, but is less overtly queer. The Daughters of Darkness Lesbian vampires were a truly global affair in the s; this Belgian erotic horror film is considered a more artistic example of the subgenre. This time, though, the Carmilla in this version haunts the dreams of a newly married woman named Susan, whom she seduces by infiltrating her dreams before the two eventually enter into a scandalous affair.
Their passion awakens a bloodlust in Susan, who agrees to try and kill her husband, just as Carmilla killed hers centuries ago. For one more take on this story, see the Spanish and German co-production Vampyros Lesbos.
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If conservatives hoped there was a way to shove the gay genie back in the bottle after it got loose in the s, this musical horror send-up — featuring a Teenage Frankenstein —style boy toy made by a blatantly queer mad scientist who could seduce even the most vanilla heterosexual men or women — crushed all of those square hopes and dreams. Tim Curry delivers a virtuoso performance of camp as Dr.
Frank N. Furter, the sweet transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania. The s were a kind of bridge in queer horror cinema. As people were beginning to acknowledge the presence of queer commentary and themes in genre movies, an increasingly mainstream cultural presence for LGBTQ communities coincided with the emergence of the AIDS crisis and a conservative political wave that ensured the survival of the monstrous queer.
Gay, lesbian, and trans characters were conveniently slotted in as murderers in movies like Dressed to Kill , Deadly Blessings , Heart of Midnight , The Fan , Cruising , and more. With the fight for equality on a collision course with the family values appeal of the Ronald Reagan era, sexuality either the expression or the alleged perversion of it stayed connected to frightening violence, and the gritty turn toward graphic violence ushered in by filmmakers like Tobe Hooper The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Wes Craven Last House on the Left made the genre more explicitly violent at a mainstream level than ever before.
Coming fully into his power, Andrew goes into his final showdown against a Catholic surrogate in full glam makeup while wearing a sheer black cape and gown. Sleepaway Camp Slasher movies hinge on two elements: Also, the Virgin Mary appears to Gerard in a dream and warns him away from Christine, since she might be a murderer.
Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Calling it subtext would be generous, especially when Jesse ends up confronting his male gym teacher in a gay bar, and the abundance of queer imagery. Fright Night When the handsome closeted vampire Jerry Dandridge Chris Sarandon moves into the neighborhood, the boy next door becomes so fixated on knowing more about him that he starts to ignore his girlfriend.
And while vampirism has always been an avatar for queer characters, Jerry and his manservant Billy actually pretend to be a posh gay couple to ingratiate themselves with the neighbors. This text! This sub text! But as the story unfolds and the game becomes more of a threat, it becomes clear that the real love story at the heart of Witchboard revolves around the two estranged friends.
The Lost Boys Horror cinema served up plenty of gay lady vampires, mostly in the service of the straight male gaze, but Lost Boys gave us the as-yet-rare hive of quite queer blood-sucking boys.
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Queer cinema went through a distinct transformation in the s with the arrival of what B.