These gendered sexual stereotypes may be understood to affect the individual experience of sex, to include an emphasis on male sexual pleasure. Studies of college-aged heterosexual men and women find that men are more likely to receive than perform sexual acts, such as oral sex, and are more likely to experience an orgasm than their female partners Armstrong et al.

Though multiple scholars find evidence that definitions of what constitutes sex have become more encompassing over the past several decades Sanders and Reinisch, ; Carpenter, ; Bogle, , the embeddedness of the traditional model of sex as penile—vaginal penetration situates initial constructions of individual sexual scripts Laumann et al. The pervasiveness of the heteronormative standard for defining what sex is should be understood to affect how non-heterosexual sexual partnerships are understood, especially those in which a male is not present. To be sure, reception of the dominant heteronormative sexual script is open to acceptance, adaptation, or rejection by the individual.

Studies of the sexual practices of women who have sex with women WSW capture how definitions of sex shift based on the sex of their partners.

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In a recent study that asked women who have had sex with both men and women to define which sexual behaviors constituted sex, In contrast, Further, a survey of over 2, women in the United States and the United Kingdom found vibrator use to be more common in WSW relationships than in heterosexual ones Schick et al. However, less is known about how individuals apply sexual scripts to understand the sexual practices of others, particularly given a scenario absent a male—female partnership. Specifically, how do heteronormative sexual scripts inform individual definitions of sex between women?

In total, 14 interviews were conducted with undergraduate students at a mid-sized private university in the Northeast United States during the fall semester.

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Interested participants contacted the researcher via e-mail, and both the researcher and the interested party mutually agreed upon a date and time to conduct the interview. As per IRB guidelines, all interviews were conducted in a private conference room on campus during regular business hours 9: Interviews ranged in length from 45 min to 2 h. Participants ranged in age from 19 to 22 years. Eleven of the participants identified as heterosexual, one female participant identified as bisexual, and two female participants did not identify with a sexual orientation.

Of the two female participants who did not identify with a sexual orientation, one had engaged in both same-sex and opposite-sex sexual relationships, while the other had engaged solely in heterosexual sexual relationships.

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Further details on the participants included in this study can be found in Table 1. All names are pseudonyms. All subjects consented to participation in the study before any data were collected. Subjects were informed that their participation in the study was completely voluntary, and that they were free to withdrawal from the study at any time without penalty. All subjects were over the age of 18 years. Due to the sensitive nature of the study, all participants were debriefed at the conclusion of the study and provided with a list of support resources should they need them.

Each participant was asked to define sex and recount the process by which they learned about sex, to include what was learned and from which sources.

(𝗣𝗗𝗙) Lesbian and Gay Love Scripts

Such questions were formulated in order to capture the types and kinds of messages individuals received about sex cultural , in addition to how they themselves understood and defined sex in relation to their own experiences interpersonal and desires intrapsychic , sexual or otherwise. Additionally, this terminology ensured standardization of the interview process in terms of the interview guide, though participants were free to respond to these questions on the basis of their own understanding of lesbian sex.

All interviews were tape-recorded with the consent of the participants, and the researcher transcribed each interview in its entirety. The researcher conducted focused analyses of the 14 interviews using Atlas-ti software. Analyses of these initial codes, combined with subsequent rounds of focused coding based on these initial findings, produced themes and patterns that could be examined further. The findings of this study are organized into two sections: Consistent with existing literature, participants in this study acknowledged the reception of sexual messages from four major sources: Also consistent with the literature Moran, ; Bay-Cheng, ; Stone et al.

As Daniel, a year-old heterosexual male, explained it. Marie 22, heterosexual female: Abigail 21, heterosexual female: Media messages about sex were described in terms, which contrasted with those communicated by parents or the educational system. So you kind of try to imitate that. Sarah 22, heterosexual female: Daniel 19, heterosexual male: Definitions of sex were diverse, ranging from more general descriptions of intimate physical contact to specific sexual acts, such as vaginal penetration. But I guess for me sex is something that tends to be … definitely has an element of the erotic.

If you were to describe sex, you could describe it as a beautiful, a physical bonding. Indeed, studies of both teenagers and young adults have found their definitions of sex to encompass a greater number of sexual acts such as oral sex compared to those of previous generations Sanders and Reinisch, ; Carpenter, The juxtaposition of the dominant male with a submissive female in sexual relationships was consistently discussed by participants, though they made a point to note that these culturally prescribed roles did not necessarily align with their own views.

Anthony, a year-old heterosexual male, reflected on culturally prescribed gender roles in sexual relationships, such that he felt more in control or given to initiating sexual contact:. Traces of this process could be seen in participant descriptions of gendered sexual roles and consequent double standards within the context of a cultural narrative, which regards male—female relationships as the norm.

Individually, participants expressed that they either disagreed with traditional gender roles, saw them as informing negative stereotypes of women, or, as Daniel noted, shifted their interpersonal scripts once their relationship progressed to reflect what they desired for themselves sexually. This pattern of adapting the traditional gender script suggests the flexibility of gender roles in sexual relationships Seal et al.

Participant descriptions of their sexual values, desires, and relationships reflect the ability to shape and adapt individual scripts, though their initial reflections on coming to learn about sex support the embeddedness of cultural messages within a heteronormative framework. Juxtaposing the influence of media with that of schools and families, the silencing or censoring of certain subject matter by the latter two sources became salient when participants considered the experiences of non-heterosexually identified individuals.

The role of media and interpersonal interactions for providing then unheard-of viewpoints and possibilities were especially salient for the two women in the study who did not identify as heterosexual. Kelly, a year-old bisexual female, described learning about gays and lesbians through the internet and interactions with others, which for her was both eye-opening and validating:.

In recounting parental messages about sex, Kelly stated that reactions to her questions about marrying an individual of the same sex were not validated as something acceptable or desirable. Instead, Kelly credited the media and interpersonal relationships for shaping her views around same-sex relationships. Grace, who did not identify with a sexual orientation but who at the time of the interview was in a long-term relationship with a woman, also spoke of the media and peer groups as fruitful sources of information:.

I started to meet people who identified with the LGB community … I guess what I learned about same-sex sexual relationships basically was a gradual, learn-as-we-go kind of thing. For these two women, their felt desire for individuals of the same sex and the process of forging same-sex sexual relationships were made difficult by messages received from the schooling and family institutions, which excluded mentioning of such relationships.

In this way, media and interpersonal relationships with individuals who identified as gay or lesbian were important to both validating feelings of same-sex desire and to presenting alternatives to dominant cultural constructions of sexual relationships as occurring between a man and a woman. As detailed in the previous section, the participants in this study recounted how cultural sexual messages were too rigid, or out of sync, with their own views of what constituted sex, and how men and women should enact their gendered roles in sexual relationships.

However, which sexual narratives do individuals draw from when asked to define lesbian sex?

When asked to describe the type of sexual acts two women might engage in, participants offered multiple and varied sexual behaviors. In particular, vaginal—vaginal rubbing and manual stimulation were frequently mentioned as sexual acts two women might engage in. However, when asked to define lesbian sex, participants shared their difficulty in articulating an intercourse equivalent between two women.

Unlike their previous definitions of sex, which were inclusive of sexual behaviors such as oral sex, participants seemed to draw from dominant cultural narratives of sex to define sex between two women. Namely, these definitions cited the presence of a penis or other phallic substitute as necessary for sex to occur between two women. Such findings were present throughout the interviews. Brent 20, heterosexual male: Alexandra 20, heterosexual female: If I could figure it out. For Grace, a year-old female who did not identify with a sexual orientation but had engaged in both same-sex and mixed-sex sexual relationships, the difficulty in defining lesbian sex was experienced both personally as well as through conversations with others:.

In terms of how society defines heterosexual sex as intercourse between a man and a woman, I feel like if I had to give a standard definition, it would be a million times easier to say well gay men have anal sex, but no one really knows what lesbians do, ever.

Dating scripts of gay men and lesbians.

Perhaps, even more curious when considering the previous definitions is that the use of fingers or other body parts as having penetrative capabilities was not mentioned as an act indicative of sex. Though the insertion of fingers was mentioned as one type of sexual behavior that two women might engage in, engagement in this behavior was not described as sex between two women.

Rather, the suggestion of a penis substitute for example, the multiple mentions of strap-ons figured prominently in these definitions of lesbian sex. These conceptions of sex as a phallic penetrative component acting on a receptive orifice reflect the application of a male-dominant, heteronormative cultural script as the basis for considering non-heterosexual sex, particularly between two women.

Indeed, the mentioning of sex toys was almost always discussed when defining lesbian sexual relationships as opposed to heterosexual relationships. The frequent mention of a dildo or strap-on as specific types of toys used in lesbian relationships distinguishes these objects as specifically tailored to sexual relationships in which a penis is absent.

Some participants explained their mention of dildo or strap-on use by lesbians in relationship to media constructions of lesbian sexual behavior. While participants imagined that lesbian sex was just as capable of being pleasurable in relationship to heterosexual sex, the absence of a penis in lesbian relationships remained glaring.

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So you had mentioned there would still be this level of frustration possibly within lesbian sex. Frustration stemming from what? In this way, the dominant, heteronormative cultural script figured prominently for framing conceptions of the achievement of pleasure via vaginal penetration by a penis.