Appearance is a little bit of it, obviously hook-up culture but I mean as a personality. Make them want you. Oh, be flexible. Your health and the health of your partner is always important. Be honest about your age. I met up with one guy, whose age was not displayed on the profile, and I saw a body photo, but in person he looked different because he had slimmed down and had grown a bit older. I was turned off then and there.

On the flip side, there are a couple of guys on Scruff who are over 60, in good shape, who I would definitely like to try it with! Also, one more thing.

21 Dating Struggles Gay Men Face In Their Twenties

Younger guys are more likely to be emotionally vulnerable. Maybe they have never had a gay friend before. Maybe they are still a virgin. Maybe they have only valued for their sexual ability. Either way, there probably is going to be fear, isolation, desire for validation and affirmation. Be the one to give that validation. Might find a regular hook-up buddy in the process. Younger guys also want to live. What, as a 20 yr old something new on the scene, you would NOT want to happen to yourself.

Do the opposite. And remember that creepy for everyone is different. He stays just a short distance from my home so we often saw each other, and on a few occasions we sat and had a beer together. I never once made a move because I just assumed he was a straight guy just being friendly. He often came around for a swim and that was it. Then one night when I was in the pool enjoying a skinny dip, he showed up and asked if it is okay for him to have a swim as well. I said yes of course he can but asked him if you could get a beer out of the fridge for me, and one for himself if he wanted one.

A few minutes later he was in the pool with me, standing by the side having some beer. After a few minutes he swam away, and then swam back to where I was standing, but he was swimming underwater. When he reached me, it was clear that he was trying have a look at my package. He surfaced with a big grin on his face and then had a second look.

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Long story short, he kept looking; I ended up getting hard; he asked if he can have a feel; I agreed; he stripped; I had a feel of his, and we have been pleasuring each other regularly ever since. So, in my case, it was the young guy who hooked up with me, the older guy. Yes You have to let them know you are gay first and they have to be interested in older men.

Its best to find a boy that is unexperienced and to offer to take him out, or to show him everything you know about hooking up with others. I soon noticed that the chats were mainly focused on sex and there was also a lot of drug dealing going on. I don't think these kinds of sites are safe enough for gay teenagers. For me, it lead to some very bad experiences dating older men. What were some of those experiences like? When I told this one date who was in his late 20s that I didn't feel comfortable anymore, he ignored what I was saying and kept on touching me. I was so shocked and left as soon as I could.

This other time when I was 19, a guy locked his front door while we were inside.

Young Gay Men Talk About the Dangers of Having to Hide Your Dating Life

It was the second time I had met up with him, but he suddenly started behaving weirdly so I eventually had to sneak out. Did anyone know where you were? At the time I felt so ashamed about my sexuality, which is why I didn't dare say anything. But that experience made me realise I needed to talk about what I was up to — and ever since then, I've always told someone where I'll be.

How do you think the gay dating scene can be made safer for young men? The abuse of young boys who haven't come out yet is so common that we need the entire community to come together and support each other better. Gay teenagers are fragile — apps like Grindr should block minors from using it. I was 16, and it felt like my only way of connecting with the gay scene. At the time, some family members and good friends knew I was gay, but I didn't know a lot of gay guys that I could date. What was your experience like on these websites? Just lots of older men talking to me in a sexually aggressive way.

Some have even offered me money to have sex with them. Did you meet up with any of them? I was living in a small town and it wasn't really possible. But I was very careful and only started dating once I was living on my own. When you went on dates, did you tell anyone where you were going? Not at first, but I quickly learned my lesson. When I was 17, I arranged a date with this guy, but when I arrived at his place there were a bunch of other guys there all taking speed.

I texted my parents to come pick me up. I would have been happy to meet in public, but a lot of guys on these sites only want to meet at their place. Sometimes it's because they're only focused on having sex, but sometimes they haven't come out yet and are still struggling with their sexuality. How do you think the gay scene can be made safer for young men? The law says that a homosexual act with a male under 16 is a serious crime, even if the person committing the act is himself below the age of So, by having anal sex with another 14 year old boy, Lee would be guilty of a major offence which can, at least in theory, be punished by jail for life.

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Lee is just one of a growing number of lesbians and gays who are coming out at an ever earlier age…twelve, thirteen and fourteen is not uncommon nowadays. Research published by Project Sigma in shows that 9 percent of gay men had their first homosexual experience by the age of 10, 19 percent by the age of 12, and 35 per cent by the age of Yet most gay campaign groups seem only interested in the human rights of the overs. Lee first realised he was gay at the age of eight. He just had sex with boys or, to begin with, one particular boy. I was eight and half. He was the same age.

We used to go swimming together. It all started at the local swimming pool. One day we were in the cubicles getting changed and somehow we started kissing.

Young Gay Men Talk About the Dangers of Having to Hide Your Dating Life - VICE

How did you know what to do? You did? It just happened. How did you feel about your first gay experience? Lee beams with evident fond memories and confides: It was great. But I did think sex with a boy was sort of strange. It was mostly from the papers and television. I thought that men only had sex with women.

He pauses for a moment, then adds emphatically: Lee continued having regular sex with John for two years. The relationship with John did not, however, stop Lee from experimenting with heterosexuality. He found out and got very angry.

He stormed out. Did you enjoy straight sex? So when did Lee start thinking of himself as being gay? I was watching a TV debate about gays. My friends introduced him. One day, we were in his bedroom playing on his computer and we started messing around. It ended up with sex. Around this time, Lee first came out to his mom. Her first reaction was that I was a bit too young to be gay. She told me to leave it a couple of years. I left it a few weeks, before telling her again. She realised I was serious, and respected my feelings and wishes. At the age of 11, Lee had a relationship with a 14 year old named Andrew.

They sent me to an education centre. We used to hang around together and became really close friends.