They struggle with the same issues of finances, intimacy, and extended family as straight couples. They define relationship satisfaction in largely the same way as well. One of the earliest and most well known models of gay couple development was that of McWhirter and Mattison , a, b. While perhaps seeming outdated, their model is a very clear one; it was based on interviews with over normal male couples over a five year study, and is still consistent with more modern couples research today. McWhirter and Mattison conceptualized gay relationships as consisting of six stages.

They began their discussion of their model, however, by discussing the climate in which gay relationships develop. They noted that: The heterosexual couple that was concerned about acceptance by their mutual families was exceptional, whereas this was the rule for homosexual couples Heterosexual couples lived with some expectation that their relationships were to last "until death do us part," whereas gay couples wondered if their relationships could survive.

Heterosexual couples have a wide variety of models for their partnerships Gay men have only the same heterosexual models, including their own families, which they may try to emulate but find unsuitable Non-gay people rarely question the rightness or wrongness of their sexual orientation, but at some point gay persons do. Blending - Stage 1 - Year 1 This first stage entails the "unification" of the couple into a single unit.

Each man is happy to no longer feel isolated and alone, spends most of his free time with his partner, and experiences strong feelings of romantic love and frequent sexual activity during this time. They balance responsibilities, household rules, and their mutual goals, as well as come to know each others' strengths and weaknesses. This can be a very difficult time for couples, in that two men may both be socialized to be decision makers, bread winners, and "the dominant one" in the relationship.

This can cause great difficulty negotiating decisions, coping with a partner who makes more money or has higher status, and learning to admit a need for and to rely on the support of the other. This last point is especially salient, as Gottman argues that becoming overly "worked up" during arguments is especially likely to undermine effective communication.

Nesting - Stage 2 - Years 2 and 3 The second stage is marked by "homemaking," or strengthening the commitment the couple has. They find compatibility though acceptance of each other's personality differences and styles, strengths and weaknesses, and needs and goals. The loss of limerence or the "end of the honeymoon" is common during this time as well, but is paired with a more realistic view of the relationship and the partner.

The "eye opening experience" this marks is not the experience of only gay couples, however. Benjamin Franklin said, "Keep your eyes wide-open before marriage, half-shut afterwards. Thus, gay couples may accept some degree of negativity in a relationship, and be more reality based in their view of their partner. Kurdek offered that years two and three were often the most stressful on gay relationships, and many reported they felt less family support for their relationship when compared to straight couples.

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They may be denied the "wisdom" many mothers pass to their daughters and many fathers pass to their sons about successful marriages, as well as support for rituals, building and home and life together, and personal growth through this time. Maintaining - Stage 3 - Years 4 and 5 The third stage is when the couple balances their own individual identities against the couples' traditions and rituals.

This can be a difficult time, as each may return to making friends outside the relationship, may begin new hobbies or interests, and may want to renegotiate previously set relationship rules. Waite and Gallagher argue that the religious, social, financial, and familial structure around straight marriages is what prevents them from dissolving so easily during a similar stage.

During this time, the stress of parenting, the demands of career, and the need for time alone seem very strong, and if unbalanced, these needs can lead the partners to develop a sense of emotional isolation from each other. Gottman discusses his idea of Positive Sentiment Override PSO which basically means that when couples are happy, they tend to ignore the small difficulties and focus instead on the positive experiences and aspects of the relationship, sometimes in a ratio of noting 20 positive experiences for every 1 negative experience.

Kurdek found similar results in that, on the one hand, when gay men were happy in their relationships, they consistently related the benefits of the relationship as high, the costs as low, and the temptation of other possible partners as weak. On the other hand, when gay men were generally unhappy in their lives, they reported lower relationship satisfaction, higher cost, and a stronger temptation to find another partner, and this held even when there was no obvious stress in the relationship. Building - Stage 4 - Years 6 through 10 The fourth stage is marked by the settling of any left-over issues from Stage Three, and the couple is left with the sense that their connection is "dependable" and that they know each other very well.

Interestingly, Gottman in his research on straight couples see link has found that the beginning and ending of this stage is often the time when straight couples divorce.

If they do not resolve conflict at the beginning of their own Stage Four between five to seven years , they are prone to divorce to end their unhappiness, and seek satisfying relationships elsewhere. If they fail to rebuild their connection at the end of their own Stage Four 10 to 12 years , they are prone to end the marriage due to loss of intimacy and connection.

Some have noted that gay relationships are more likely to be non-monogamous, arguing that this marks gay marriages as being nothing like straight marriages that show "real commitment. One response would be to correct this erroneous notion. It depends If I meet someone and think they're hot but I don't see it going further, why not just have some fun? If I really click with someone I like to wait and get to know them, so as long as it takes I guess until it feels right!

At least 3 dates. You've got to give any relationship a chance to blossom mentally before the physical side of things comes into it. Not necessarily. Personally I'm quite a jealous person so I have had a few problems with my current partner's history, but that's definitely on me, not on him. It's a silly issue that I really shouldn't be so sensitive about, but I'm working on it!

This for me is a conversation no couple should ever have. Why does it matter? One of you is going to come out of this feeling worse than the other, so I find it best to leave the past where it is! If it was a stupid number like over then yes, definitely. I'm quite a jealous person so I don't always like to know, but a ball park figure is always good.

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What's your opinion on one night stands? I've had them before and nine out of ten times, I just hate myself for it the next day. They make me feel cheap, so really not for me. I've had plenty, as long as you are the sort of person that doesn't feel sad after and you're safe then why not? I think they're fine as long as you're safe and it's consensual.

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I'm not really a fan of them because they feel so empty, but sometimes you just need to get your rocks off. Would you ever try an open relationship or threesome? I'm admittedly quite insecure, so would struggle with an open relationship, as I can imagine myself getting very jealous.

I've had a threesome once and it was the most unsexiest thing ever. I much prefer the intimacy of one on one.

I'd be open to it if it felt right at the time. I've had several threesomes before and I've enjoyed them and I've also flirted with the idea of an open relationship. I think if it works for you then why the hell not? People get so stuffy and uptight about relationships and no relationship should make you feel like that. That being said, I think in the past I used the idea of an open relationship as a way of escaping a relationship that I didn't feel very fulfilled in.

Now that I'm in a monogamous relationship that makes me super happy, I'm not sure whether I'd be as open to the idea, but I'd never totally rule it out. No baby no. Relationships are complicated enough as it is without involving a third party! Do you want to get married? Yes, absolutely. Getting married is one of the most important things in my life, especially since marriage equality was passed into law. So many people have fought to legitimise gay relationships for so long - why wouldn't I take that path if I get the chance?

Yes I do! I'm only 23, but do see myself getting married in the future.

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I always say no but maybe that's just because I've not met the right person yet? I'm on the fence. Would you like to have kids? I wouldn't be entirely against the idea, but I can't really see it happening. I can imagine myself being very close to my sister's children, if she decides to have kids, which I think would be enough for me. Again, yes, absolutely. I don't see my life as being fully complete without having kids.

I love kids, I can't imagine having my own but again with the right person I might change my mind. What is the most desirable attribute in a partner? The ability to make me laugh and to be able to laugh at themselves. Physically, I like big hairy guys Someone that challenges me. I like to have someone that makes me think about things differently and doesn't always agree with me, keeps me on my toes. Just one?! A sense of humour is a must.

I also appreciate someone with a drive to succeed as that's really important to me. How long would you wait before introducing your partner to your parents? My family are extremely important to me, and so it's vital that they get on with my partner.

I think as soon as I know that it's serious, I'd want them to meet them, and if my family wasn't keen, it would probably put me off the guy.

As long as physically possible. My parents have never been too cool with me being gay and even though they've got better, they're still uncomfortable when it comes to meeting boyfriends. If there is any way of avoiding it, I will keep boyfriend and parents separate. My boyfriend met my parents after 5 months and visa versa - I think that was a suitable amount of time! I think you have to let it happen naturally.