A man who sexually abuses or exploits boys is not engaging in a homosexual interaction — any more than men who sexually abuse or exploit girls are engaging in heterosexual behavior.

4 Ridiculous Questions People Asked Me When my 11 Year Old Came Out as Gay

He is a deeply confused individual who, for various reasons, desires to sexually use or abuse a child, and has acted on that desire. There are different theories about how sexual orientation develops, but experts in human sexuality do not believe that sexual abuse or premature sexual experiences play a significant role. Sexual orientation is a complex issue and there is no single answer or theory that explains why someone identifies himself as homosexual, heterosexual or bi-sexual.

It is common, however, for boys and men who have been abused to express confusion about their sexual identity and orientation, whether they identify as straight, gay or bi-sexual. Men who identify as gay or bi-sexual may wonder if their sexual orientation was influenced in any way by the abusive experience or may even be the cause of their orientation.

Also, many boys abused by males wonder if something about them sexually attracted the person who abused them and will unknowingly attract other males who will misuse them. While these are understandable fears, they are not true. This myth, like several of the others, comes from the image of masculinity that boys learn from very early. In reality, premature, coerced or otherwise abusive or exploitive sexual experiences are never positive — whether they are imposed by an older sister, sister of a friend, baby sitter, neighbor, aunt, mother, or any other female in a position of power over a boy.

At a minimum, they cause confusion and insecurity. A gay man who experienced sexual arousal when abused by a female may wonder whether it means that he is actually straight or wonder what it means that he was chosen by a woman or older girl.

Being sexually used or abused, whether by males or females, can cause a variety of other emotional and psychological problems. To be used as a sexual object by a more powerful person, male or female, is never a good thing, and can cause lasting harm. This myth is especially dangerous because it can create terrible fear in boys and men.

Sadly, boys and men who tell of being sexually abused often are viewed more as potential perpetrators than as guys who need support. While it is true that many though by no means all who sexually abuse children have histories of sexual abuse, it is NOT true that most boys who are sexually abused go on to sexually abuse others.

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• 4 Ridiculous Questions People Asked Me When my 11 Year Old Came Out as Gay.
• Myths and Facts About Male Sexual Abuse and Assault!

What if I Already Have? For any man harmed by unwanted or abusive sexual experiences — and anyone who wants to support him — becoming free of these myths is necessary to overcoming the effects of the abuse, and to achieving the life he wants and deserves. All groups are facilitated by a counselor.

Sexual Orientation

They function just like a chat room: There's no audio or video, and we don't collect any personal information. Add to Gmail Calendar. But many lesbian, gay, and bisexual teens who come out to their friends and families are fully accepted by them and their communities. They feel comfortable and secure about being attracted to people of the same gender. In a recent survey, teens who had come out reported feeling happier and less stressed than those who hadn't. Adolescence is a time of transition not just for teens, but for their parents too.

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Many parents face their teen's emerging sexuality with a mix of confusion and worry. They may feel completely unprepared for this next stage of parenthood.

7 Myths & Facts About the Sexual Abuse & Assault of Boys & Men | 1in6

And if their child is gay, it may bring a whole new set of questions and concerns. Some are surprised to learn the truth, always having thought their child was straight. Others wonder whether the news is really true and whether their teen is sure. They might wonder if they did something to cause their child to be gay — but they shouldn't. There is no evidence that being gay is the result of the way that someone was raised.

Fortunately, many parents of gay teens understand and are accepting right from the start. They feel they have known all along, even before their teen came out to them. They often feel glad that their child chose to confide in them, and are proud of their child for having the courage to tell them. Other parents feel upset, disappointed, or unable to accept their teen's sexual orientation at first. They may be concerned or worried about whether their son or daughter will be bullied, mistreated, or marginalized.

And they might feel protective, worrying that others might judge or reject their child. Some also struggle to reconcile their teen's sexual orientation with their religious or personal beliefs. Sadly, some react with anger, hostility, or rejection. But many parents find that they just need time to adjust to the news.

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That's where support groups and other organizations can help. When my son was 11 he came out to my husband and I as gay. My husband and I are both queer more on that later , so he knew we would have not have a negative reaction.

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I am trying to find more resources for him to be able to hang out with more queer kids, but I was trying to do that for all the kids even before he came out. We live in a pretty rural area and though everyone he has told has been incredibly supportive, there are some people that he has decided to keep it from — for now — which is of course a totally valid choice.

Even though everyone has been really proud of him for being willing to take the plunge of coming out, I have gotten some questions from people that were … eyebrow raising. Keep in mind all these people are completely well meaning and know that I identify as queer. In fact, some of the people asking the questions are gay or queer themselves. I am actually super grateful that people asked me these questions instead of him and that also I could talk to them about the questions themselves and what bothered me about them. We are all constantly learning and I am always happy to answer these questions if someone is genuinely interested in my honest answer, which may just be a critique of the premise of the question, or other social justice warrioring stuff.

All of these questions have been asked more than once so if you are reading this and think I am talking about you, I am not! I am talking about the other people that asked the same question. That problem solved, here goes: A lot of times after I told people that my 11 year old came out always with his direction or permission first! I completely understand the impulse behind this question, the asker is trying to get the perspective of an adult that spends a lot of time with him.

However, I resent the unspoken undercurrent of this question that somehow I would know better than him what his sexual orientation is. I like to pretend I am an expert on everything and I generally love when people come to me for my opinion or advice. But even I will admit there are some things that only the person themselves can define and know, and who they are attracted to is one of them. Asking if I was surprised is a way to gauge whether or not there was more of a backstory while still acknowledging that my opinion of the situation is not necessarily the same as the truth of the situation.

And for the record: We were not surprised in the least that he is gay. First of all, this is a question asked of all queer people for time immemorial. Immediately after the first person ever came out as gay, their mom asked them if it was a phase.