Add to the fact that our culture is obsessed with imagery and sex, and it becomes almost impossible to escape thoughts of sex.

As gay men the testosterone levels are doubled in the dating world, and we are constantly playing with fire as we try to think with our brains and not our dicks. Going one step deeper into the conversation about gay men and sex, we have to acknowledge how easy it is to find sex. Add to the fact that when we go to gay bars, almost everyone in that room is a possible partner in some way, and our chances are doubled.

Additionally, many of us grew up insecure and full of shame, so part of coming out is feeling sexually liberated.

21 Dating Struggles Gay Men Face In Their Twenties

However, we often mistake the ease and casualness of the sex we can, and do have, as something other than what it really is. Sex is great, but sex with substance is harder and harder to come by the more casual we are about this physical act. Continuing the conversation from the last point, we often are beyond indecisive about what it is that we really want.

Being gay is confusing.

10 Reasons Why Gay Dating Is Really Hard

Once we break the norm, and find comfortability within our own sexuality, everything else is up for debate. Who do we want to be? Who do we want to date? Do we want to get married? Do we want kids? Do we want to be monogamous? Who, if we do meet, we most likely end up sleeping with, and confusing the relationship further. Revert back to points 1 and 2. As gay men we grow up hiding parts of ourselves because gay still is considered different, and in a lot of places, bad. We feel like we have to hide a part of ourselves everyday for many formative years, which means we are neglecting other parts of ourselves that should be receiving precious energy.

So when we finally do come out, we often confuse this as dealing with our issues, when in fact, this is just the beginning to dealing with what our issues really are. Because we held back from being authentically ourselves for most of our adolescence and the beginning of our adult lives, we get a chance to do it all over when we come out. The cherry on top of all of this, is that this usually happens in a big city, or at least some place bigger than the hometown we grew up in, where excess is welcomed. The question is, when is enough enough?

Gay men are beyond picky, and we feel like we can be because with social media the pool of possibilities feels endless. We are men with egos, and we strive to be the best at everything we do because it was something we learned as closeted children. However, this tends to lead to us having crazy expectations for ourselves, and therefore our mates as well.

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Everyone is supposed to look like a model, have an Adonis body, be super successful, like everything we like, and fit the molds we've created that no one can ever actually live up to. Dreamboat is ready. His ego is hurt.

Add to the fact that gays often date with the seasons, and half the year is either thought of as warm single, and often slutty season, or as a cold cuddling more relationship based time of the year. We forget that we are still animals, and like our furry friends, our bodies change with the tides and seasons in a very natural way. However, gay men are quick to use the seasons as an excuse to why we are "allowed" to behave in certain ways.

We aren't definitely going to have kids, which is why most heterosexual people start to couple up and settle down. And even today straight couples are waiting longer and longer to have children. However, even when we do couple up, the way in which we operate as couples is quite different than straight couples. Add to the fact that a lot of our friends are single, and it becomes almost more normal to be single in the gay world than in a healthy relationship.

We even joke that gay years are like dog years for relationships. We both looked like girls and we still got harassed. There was this one time, we were out on Halloween, and we were a few towns over at a haunted house.

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It was cold, so of course we were holding hands. We sped up, and I had mace in my hand — but then we heard breaking glass. The group was crossing the street, and one of the guys had a broken beer bottle in his hand. My girlfriend and I sprinted to the train station in heels, and they were chasing us the whole way. Wellesley is completely different from non-Wellesley, though. I like going on dates — I like meeting people like that.

Validation

But I go on a lot of dates from Tinder. I was seeing a guy, and we met through a mutual friend of ours. Michigan is a really big party school, so basically there are house parties whenever you want. In my experience, hooking up has led to going on dates. Even though I would prefer to have a relationship with someone, hooking up is more accessible and less risky emotionally. Hooking up is easier in that sense.

10 Reasons Why Gay Dating Is Really Hard | HuffPost

I felt like a minority within a minority. I came to this school and noticed that there were only white men on these apps, and they all seemed to know each other.

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When I got messaged by other non-white people, they were the ones who actually wanted to have conversations with me and not just talk about having sex. There was a very strong white gay hook-up culture, and it seemed like white people only wanted to date white people, and hook up with white people, so that was hard at first. By the time junior year started, I tried to get myself out of my shell. When we were initially messaging on Grindr, we thought it was just going to be a hook-up. What I think a lot of people tend to forget is that there are minorities within minorities.

I really prefer dating over just hooking up. I ended up dating one of my close friends.