He could do anything!
You know those memories where every detail about the moment is etched into your brain? Two years later, Will came out to us in the middle of a family dinner at a local restaurant. Even though I had had my transformative experience and had realized I needed to love my children exactly as they are, my stomach lurched; my throat contracted; my tears flowed. My first thought was, Not you too. Even though I thought I had come so far in how I felt about homosexuality, I suddenly found myself plunged back into the fear and shame that I had experienced when Luke came out.
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My despair turned to anger and I directed it at my husband, Joe. While now we laugh about my response, it was far from funny at the time. Instead, Will was the one who comforted my husband and me by giving us a beautifully written note in which he explained that he had always known he was different and had come to accept that fact. He also expressed his worry for us, rather than himself, telling us he understood that it would take time for us to accept his sexuality. I worried about them being violently assaulted for being gay.
I worried about their sexual safety. I also worried about our older daughter, Beth, who had to, once again, traverse the minefield of our family drama. I realized that I needed to do something to combat the endless swirling worry that was getting me nowhere.
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I reminded myself of the message I believe God had for me and began daily gratitude journaling, as well as deep breathing exercises, to help with my anxiety. Slowly but surely it began to work and I settled into our new norm. Just as our family normalized to having two gay sons, Will began dabbling in drag. When I first learned about his new hobby, the shame I had grappled with for so many years came flooding back. Rather than condemn this, I decided to tap into my empathy and curiosity and purchased tickets for our family to attend a drag show.
Even more recently, Will posted on Facebook that he now identifies as genderfluid. I no longer yearn for my life to be different or for my family to be anything other than what it is. Relief comes with loving what is. Someone who lived knowing that society pushes children like Luke and Will to the margins but learned that they can thrive and find happiness being exactly who they are.
Using love as my North Star was a game changer for me and it can be for you as well. Kelly Beischel is a success coach, speaker, author, and firecracker who uses the science of happiness to empower and equip women to have more of what they most desire. She is the founder of Dr.
Presents where women, professors, and healthcare graduates go to master their minds and elevate their energy to create more magic in their lives. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. I feel like a fraud.
My Two Sons Came Out As Gay And It Almost Destroyed Me. Here's What Saved Me. | HuffPost
Friends exalt my love, acceptance and transparency. They say I inspire them. I asked Luke point blank if he thought he was gay and he replied yes. I wept.
Now I hope I can be that person. I suggest you take the same advice. We all have dreams for our children.
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Experiencing the death of those dreams can be crushing. Here's What Saved Me. Please keep in mind that any professional you talk to is bound by law and ethics to maintain complete secrecy. When you visit, they are going to be focussing on your mental health and ensuring you are OK, they may perhaps talk about how to manage some of the emotions that are flying around inside and also the emotions that used to fly around inside. You can choose the time to tell them you are gay, perhaps that might be after a few visits and you feel comfortable with them and they aren't a stranger anymore.
Can you tell me what you'd like to gain from the forums here at Beyond Blue so we can help you achieve what you need to feel well again? What I really want to achieve is to share how I'm feeling and to gain advice and or perspective from others. I don't expect a magical fix but I just want some guidance on what I should do in my situation.
Ultimately it is my decision and I know that. No one can make the decision for me but at the moment it just seems too confusing and too hard to tackle so I pretend it's not there and just keep going. I wonder if any other married men can relate to my post or have been through a situation like this and are on the forum? If so I would like to know how they got through this.
How to react to your child coming out as gay
I'm not after sympathy or just having a whinge I just want to hear how others would go about dealing with being gay but married to a woman. Hi Steven, hope you don't mind me joining in here and I hope my thoughts don't upset you I am now on my second marriage and a good bit older than you so I might be seeing things a bit differently but, for what it's worth, I think marriages only truly work if both partners are honestly happy and fulfilled in the marriage - and I mean honestly and I mean both.
You have much to consider and decide concerning your own life, but so does your wife - whether she knows it or not. I guess what I'm trying to say, not so subtly, is that the future of your marriage doesn't just depend on whether you as a gay man can or wants to stay with a woman. To put it bluntly, it is equally about whether your heterosexual wife wants a gay husband, or would be happier having the freedom to find a partner who is sexually attracted to her. In my opinion, if you love her and respect her, and see her as more than just the bearer of your children, this is something you both need to consider.
I very much understand where you are coming from! I grew up in a very strongly religious family, and if I reflect I would say at some level I knew I was attracted to men probably around the same time as you. But I tried very hard to do what was expected of me, and I dated a couple of girls, and eventually married.
I was married for 15 years, and have three lovely kids, who are now 13, 10 last week! I spent a good fraction of those 15 years in a pretty dark place and was on antidepressants about half that time. I was able to blame it even partly to myself on trying to write a PhD which I managed eventually , and on the trauma of one of my kids being very sick as an infant. But really, in that small part of me that could be honest with myself, the real problem was, like you, that I was living a lie.
Eventually, I felt that I had to admit it mostly to myself , that I am gay. I felt like I would lose everything, but once I had admitted it to myself, I told my wife the next morning. I love and respect her, and it was important to me to tell her.
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We separated amicably shortly after. I told my parents a couple of days after I told my wife actually by email - they were living in the country, and I knew I couldn't do it over the phone. It was a good move. Time to compose your thoughts was good for me and good for them. They were very surprised, but have been a rock solid support. My ex wife is an awesome woman, and although some of it has been emotionally hard for both of us, she has been constructive and understanding throughout.
As I said, my parents have been awesome, and the rest of my family have been fine too. Being a part-time single parent was really hard, but as I've relaxed a bit and as the kids have grown up it has got much easier. I have a lovely partner - we've been together a couple of years, and my ex wife has a new partner too. He's lovely and loves the kids too. I've rambled on long enough for one post, but if you want to know more about my story, I'm happy to share it.
Welcome to posting on here. Thanks for sharing part of your story. I think it helps to know things can get better. I am encouraged by what has happened for you.