I wondered how that must have felt to him.
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It seems so college to have someone walk in while you are hooking up during a party. When I finally saw his house and his life, I could understand how getting caught sucking dick at a party with mostly Tecate being served would be appealing, or at least a change of pace.
His life was set the fuck up. His ceilings must have been 30 feet high, and his parties had bartenders.
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That day was very nice. He indulged me by following Laura Dern around instead of looking at the gardens, which was definitely not the first time she had been stalked by gay men at a garden party. Afterward, we had wine with some of his straight friends. By the end of the day I had done something uncharacteristic for me at that time: I asked him about his life instead of talking about mine.
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What were the hardest years? When did he get real?
When did he make money? Twenty years after becoming successful, what did it feel like now?
I gathered my information, came, and then went home to my basement. We maybe hung out romantically once more after that, but then it faded in a natural way.
This kind of thing happened a couple dozen more times in my early 20s. A huge theme in all my work is confidence. From the moment you realize as a gay man who you are, whether it's a challenging process or not, you know maybe subconsciously that a lot of the world hates you. Some want you dead. I knew it was harder for me to get what I wanted, and a lot of that was self-inflicted. I didn't think I deserved what I knew I wanted.
What I was doing in my early 20s, by dating older men, was showing myself that maybe there was hope.
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That someday I could make some money and be successful and create a life for myself, just like these older men. It was a genuine sense of confidence from the inside. I seem to target, blued is the best age gap dating world. Mature and it dawned upon me, grindr has become synonymous with over 50 commonly make.
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