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Maybe I was fated to never enjoy sex as a bottom! Naturally, that proved to not be the case, and I very much embrace my identity as a bottom. And of course it goes without saying that porn bottoms who dare to do the unthinkable and get into topping are setting themselves up for all sorts of vitriol and dismissal. After all, how could na avowed bottom, one who is good at what he does, possibly be… versatile? I would go so far as to suggest that it is precisely this collective shame that explains why so many commenters on message boards reserve their greatest vitriol for bottoms.

If, as Leo Bersani said some time ago, there is a certain suicidal ecstasy of embracing the role of the penetrated, then there is also a deep and almost frenzied fear of that position. Small wonder that that so many gay men continue to project that shame and sense of collective abjection onto those who most visibly and publicly give in to that suicidal ecstasy. The fact that a similar discourse does not and perhaps cannot surround the prominent tops in gay porn suggests, to me at least, that it is the innate vulnerability of the bottoms that render them so prone to this sort of dismissal.

As a bottom myself, I find all of this tremendously frustrating and hypocritical, just as I find it infuriating to see so many gay men disavow any traces of femininity. And perish the thought that we try to think outside of the box that automatically equates bottoming with passivity or misery or try to find other ways of thinking about the sexual positions we occupy. Well, to start with, gay men can get over their fixation with appropriate gender behaviour.

We can also stop projecting our anxiety about our own sex positions onto porn performers.

There are already enough problems in the world, without unloading them onto men who are, when all is said and done, just trying to make a living. And, finally, in porn as in sex, sometimes we just need to relax, enjoy the ride, and embrace the pleasure. I'm play boy Man with black hair, with medium long hair, with black eyes, white, single, with none children, for one night, avec dropped out of high school , muslim , who occasionally smokes , who never drinks.

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