I've been with my partner, Sam, for more than two years. Little by little they started to unhide or reveal things to me. The first talk of transitioning came about a year ago, and they began hormone treatment about six months after that. I had a lot of warning and prep. There were incidents where I saw how feminine they were.

I was waiting for some kind of proclamation of a new identity. Even if there hadn't been, I was starting to see signs of gender non-conformity in general. When they told me they were officially going to come out, I encouraged them to transition into a more femme identity, but still non-binary.

They were initially hesitant, but I was relieved when they did. That said, I was scared for them, too. There's a lot of political turmoil surrounding trans people these days.

Dating someone who is non-binary means having neither a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Nobody feels forced into those heteronormative roles.

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Nobody feels obligated to pay or hold open doors; it takes off a lot of pressure about who "has to do" what. They treat me with such respect as a person. They don't see me a certain way and I think that's hard to find from anyone.

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Sam was always feminine and a lot of people thought they were gay. When I met them, I knew they were not a typical masculine person, which is why I liked them.

"It gave us more freedom to be and do who and what we wanted."

They were very sensitive, upfront, and intuitive and asked a lot of questions. We both had a lot of conversation about how neither one of us wanted to be treated as a "girl" or a "boy. It got easier and made more sense as they started to come out. I am not a particularly feminine woman all the time. I don't want or care to be. I like things that aren't typically feminine; I'm very strong and authoritative, I'm very decisive and very logical, and I'm a good leader.

In many heteronormative power dynamics, you, as the woman, are considered to be more submissive—you can't go out of the house wearing certain things or can't express your sexuality in certain ways. There are lots of limitations on how women and men can act in relationships. But dating someone who identifies as non-binary, gender fluid, or genderqueer can bring up some new experiences even if you identify as cisgender.

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I identify as a gender-fluid ciswoman but have identified in the past as genderqueer and used neutral pronouns. Over my dating history, I've paired up with folks across the gender spectrum: Between navigating my own identity and my partners', I think a lot about how sex and dating affect our gender expression and identity. I've found especially when I talk about my dating experiences with non-queer friends, I notice that they can be tripped up by the way mine and my partner's identities influence our relationship.

Now, I am with a partner whose gender expression also varies, and we love engaging in gender play as a part of our dynamic.

Between all of these experiences, I've observed a few key insights about both being a genderqueer partner to a cisperson and being with gender fluid partners. By Skri, March 10, in Gender Discussion.

What Happens When the Person You're Dating Comes Out as Non-Binary?

It's not like: I am a lesbian but my sexuality may change according to whom I like, no, I already had years ago one or two dates with a transgender person and that made me think a lot, coming to the conclusion that I would always seek for the "female" side of who I am dating That would hurt the person I am with and I don't want it.

I will definitely talk with them once we meet, before anything will happen, but still I'd like to get, if possible, the opinion of someone who has been through this? I'd just be honest with them.. You like them as a person and you'd like to have a relationship with them. You acknowledge the duality of their gender identity and respect that, but you'd likely seek their feminine side in a relationship.. Ask them how that makes them feel and what their comfort level is in trying things out.

Honesty doesn't mean "give up" or "break up," but it does mean share your thoughts and concerns and talk about things openly.

12 Things I've Learned While Dating a Non-Binary Person

That's really the only way to be healthy, and the only way to make a relationship work. If things don't work out because of honesty, they wouldn't have worked out anyway - and they would have failed in a much more insidious fashion that would have made both you and the other person suffer. I'd say genderqueer is such a wide umbrella that it's hard to tell. It can cover so much that you cant really assume anything, in a good way as well as bad.

Personally I remember what I was like when I was identifying as genderfluid and confused, it's a tricky time to be honest.