So I went onto the next. Onto what seems to be the major competitor for Grindr; Scruff. I was even more pleased to see someone had written me to say hello.

How much what? I quickly closed the app and moved on. Is this what gay men have been doing online, just living out a virtual dick and ass showing contest? Pondering what the state of affairs was, I decided to try out another app, maybe something more subdued.

Like the other apps I set up my profile and was ready to go. It took a day to start receiving messages, but when I did I was surprised and delighted to find out that people here were actually writing full sentences, they wanted to know how I was, and no one sent me a photo of their dick. I felt refreshed…. I then made it know that was my intention. It seemed as thought there were a lot of people looking for prince charming, and that, I am not. While I and apparently several of my friends thought that tinder was an app for straight people, I found out that infact it for us gays too.

Yippie, lol. So like the others I signed up, very easily with my facebook profile I might add, and started swiping away honestly the swiping is so fun at first. After that, I realized that this was proof how ultimately unhealthy my relationship to dating apps really could be. This wasn't what these things were even intended for, yet here I was using them as a social crutch or retreat during times of monotony as well as some sort of strange bedtime story.

I learned that I had to put myself out there.

And actually, I ended up feeling much more relaxed and refreshed before setting my alarm and turning my phone over on my nightstand for the night. But I also noticed two things after a few days: I was thirsty for compliments, feeling disconnected from that sense of male validation.

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I was also feeling very detached from the dating scene because if I didn't have these handy mini-matchmaking tools at my fingertips, how would I meet men? Turns out old-fashioned dating is actually a whole lot of work. In my head, I just assumed people met on the street, but not through things like catcalling or harassment.

It was a fabled moment of mutual, clearly consensual eye contact - or something? It sounds ridiculous, but immediately, I realized people usually met at places. Groundbreaking stuff, I know. So, I took it to the streets and then into bars, bookstores, and coffee shops. And, especially at bars, I did notice other people noticing me and striking up conversations. I was more present and probably more approachable. I challenged myself to at least try asking for a number or two.

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It felt a bit brave and I was successful, which was a fun confidence-booster. It took engaged conversation and attraction as well as plenty of clear communication. Did I meet my future husband? No, I don't think so, but at least I kept my eyes peeled. And there was the other glaring issue: I mean, yes, we all love a compliment, but those can't be the morsels that provide sustenance to get through the day or feel attractive. Without dating apps, I had to know I was attractive, and in fact, I had to retain even more confidence in order to tackle dating face-to-face as opposed to faking it from behind a screen.

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Going out a limb requires being self-assured enough not to look down for too long. Eventually, I learned that, though obviously that isn't too say I'm not still insecure or that I'm superhuman.

Not at all. After a week, I happily re-downloaded my dating apps and got back into the game.

But instead of treating them as my phantom limb or a mindless video game, I reminded myself of just how useful they could be in aiding my desire to date the old-fashioned way, combining what I'd learned with what I already knew. Old school meets new school.

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