This likely stems from being a marginalized group that is discriminated against, which leads to internalized homophobia and issues with low self-esteem.

Our gay community also tends to glamorize the party-and-play PNP culture, further contributing to the potential for substance abuse problems. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender men and women often have more mental health issues and addictions than their heterosexual counterparts. This is both a micro- and a macro-level problem that needs intervention.

This lack of education and training in dating and relationships puts all of us, regardless of sexual orientation, at a considerable disadvantage to finding a compatible mate.

The gay community tends to glamorize sex, which keeps people from forming real relationships. To complicate matters, the glamorization of sex in the gay community with its tendency to eroticize all aspects of being gay reinforces a hookup culture , which only serves to distance us from real forms of intimacy and connection. For those truly desiring a long-term relationship, this can create frustration and a major barrier. As outdated and vintage as the term courting may sound, this old ritual to dating — which has now become a lost art form — at least provided a framework and foundation toward establishing a bond and creating a connection with someone.

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I believe a revival of courtship is needed in these contemporary times to promote more successful dating practices and provide a structure for relationship development that seems to be lacking nowadays. The latter scenario ultimately makes them invisible or shields them from any real contact from men outside their circle who may find them interesting.

Shyness and the fear of rejection were largely named as the reasons behind their lack of initiative in walking up and introducing themselves to someone they find attractive and intriguing. This is another example of missed opportunities. This contributes to the weakening of social skills and flirting abilities that many of us in the relationship coaching industry have observed in our work with clients over the past decade or more.

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And this fuels further traumatization and disconnection. Being gay in a homophobic society is hard enough with the maltreatment we receive, but when we turn on each other within our own community, this further traumatizes us and creates more distance, mistrust, and jadedness between us as individuals and compromises any chances for positive dating experiences.

Not to keep mentioning technology as a culprit, but the advent of texting and chatting within online platforms has caused a breakdown of conventional manners and social etiquette. We now say things on these platforms that we would never say to another human being in a face-to-face context. This has led to cyberbullying, harassment, and overt abuse that then leads to a myriad of other problems, such as depression and suicide for starters.

Words hurt. We need to start being mindful of how what comes out of our mouths will impact another in all of our exchanges, both in person and online. Good manners are sexy, and how you behave with others will always have a ripple effect on your life and theirs, both for the positive and negative.

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If you like someone enough, open your mind to other possibilities. Not everyone on a hookup app is looking for sex and even if they are, who gives a toss?

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Spare us your sanctimony, your grace. This is fine — nothing wrong with a one-night-stand — as long as he realises that too. We place a lot of importance, misguidedly I feel, on not having sex on the first date.



If you feel it between you, then go for it. The Guyliner has been writing about gay dating since and is also a columnist at Gay Times Magazine. See how the Soulmates team got on at The Cavendish, read our full […]. We use cookies to improve your experience on our site and to show you relevant advertising. To find out more, read our updated privacy policy. Skip to content The Soulmates Blog. Author The Guyliner.