And one from last month, from Alex: Any advice? Basically, a lot of the mail I get is from men, wanting to know how they can get some action in Denmark. I can understand this. Danes are very beautiful. And I can tell you now, most of them will not immediately reject you because you have a different skin color. I know of several babies of mixed heritage here in Denmark. These tactics will get you nowhere in Denmark.

Danes are not good with strangers, any type of stranger.

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They talk to their friends. Men would tell a lady how much money they made, and how much money they were going to make, how much power and influence they had, and how expensive their watch was. This will get you nowhere in Denmark. The tax department will have your number, real fast. Second of all, Denmark is a very non-hierarchal society, very flat structure. For example, there are a lot of foreign engineers in Denmark.

Hmmm…pretty good. Another way to impress a Danish women is showing how your work benefits the environment. My job is to rethink drilling to minimize the danger to the environment. Hmmm…sounds great. Creative industries, like design, and digital media, and video, are also popular in Denmark. I really suggest guys prepare a little speech to this extent before they start to meet women in Denmark.

Do some reconnaissance first, maybe do some shopping. Danes are casual, but not sloppy. And light on the cologne, guys. Meet the guys first Now, as I promised, back to how to meet women in the first place. What you need to do is come into their circle of friends. I suggest talking to one of the guys in the group. And I think you can take it from there. If alcohol vanished from the Earth, so would romance in Denmark. I saw a movie this week. It was the latest in long-running series called Father of Four. The series has been running since the Fifties.

As the kids grow up, they just replace them with new actors. Anyway, in this episode, there was a romance. What struck me watching the movie was that the male romantic lead was visibly shorter than the female lead. In the Danish film, there was no attempt to hide it.

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They had them walk side by side through a meadow. I kept thinking.

The man is NOT in charge. He is a not a Frenchman who will pursue you to the ends of the earth. If you are a romance novelist, the Danish man is not your dream man.

He will cook and help with the housework. He will take being a father seriously. In fact, you may have to force yourself on him. Danish women carry their own packages Why are Danish men like this? Danish women, they say, like to do things for themselves. They can carry their own packages. So, the Danish male approach is largely passive. They wait to see if the woman is interested. Danish men do not want to offend women.

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But they can occasionally err a bit on the soft side. For example, a few weeks ago, we had a big storm in Denmark, and it knocked down some large trees. Before the local government came to collect them, some people were sawing off bits for free firewood, or to make furniture, or other arts and crafts project. On our street, there was a very large tree down, and as I was walking by that Saturday, I saw a young couple trying to take part of it home.



The small, slender young woman was sawing away at this big tree with an old-fashioned manual saw, while her boyfriend was just standing there, smiling, with his hands in his pockets. Maybe he had a back injury — he was about 25, so maybe had a very youthful back injury. Or maybe he was a big wimp who was willing to let his girlfriend saw a giant tree stump while he stood there, acting like a giant tree stump.

Who knows? He will not write poetry and pursue his beloved to the ends of the Earth. Dating in Denmark is hard, even for the Danes, and it will probably be hard for you too. This essay is from a series I wrote shortly after I arrived in Denmark. The line drawings are my own.

In a land with few limits, Americans draw a firm line between work and sex, based on the rather prissy notion that no one should have to put up with sexual come-ons or even sexual talk in order to keep a job, and that anyone who does should be compensated with a hefty legal settlement. All I can think about at a Danish Christmas party is how much an American lawyer could earn off the proceedings.

One stalk of corporate mistletoe, I am sure, would generate more than enough business for him to redecorate his office with the high-priced furniture at Illums Bolighus and his wife with silver from George Jensen.

Dating in Denmark can be tricky for foreigners: Here are some tips

Call a lawyer This American concept of sexual harassment has been difficult to explain to my Danish male co-workers, who like to tell saucy jokes in the office, and whose hands have occasionally ended up attached to my hair, shoulders, and bottom until I threaten to call an American lawyer. For them, I offer this easy-to-follow rule: Anything I might want to discuss with, say, Danish heartthrob Nikolaj Coster-Waldau in a jacuzzi over two flutes of champagne, I do not want to discuss with you, married father of four, over six pages of computer printouts on letterhead.

Anything I might want to do with Nikolaj by candlelight, I do not want to do with you by fluorescent light. The overfamiliarity between co-workers is just one of the reasons Christmas partys are difficult for foreigners. The structure of the party, the long tables and the fixed seats, is a challenge in itself. At American parties, the format is loose and everybody mingles, which allows one to break free of a bore with a number of convenient excuses, such as Hey! I must say hi. At a Danish Christmas party, you sit at a seat assigned to you by luck of the draw or cruel party planners and are expected to chat for seven hours.

Snaps, a Viking tradition What do Danish people say to each other for seven hours at those tables? Of course, I know what two close friends say to each other, but what about people who have nothing in common but a copy machine? This is where snaps comes in. Snaps is also just the beginning of an enjoyable program of Danish food.