It's actually pretty common for a woman to question her man's sexuality for reasons that have nothing to do with his preferences, and this could be your situation! How can you really tell, though? How do you separate the real signs that your boyfriend is gay from the red herrings? Many women are worried that their boyfriends or husbands are gay.

According to a book by former Google data scientist Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, search results show that women worry about this even more than if their husband is cheating on them. A person's orientation is nothing more than the tendency to be physically attracted to males, females, both, or neither.

This can be stable over time, or sometimes fluid. There are lots of stereotypes surrounding gay people, but it really just comes down to the fact that they like the same gender. Even having sexual encounters with other men does not necessarily mean a man is gay. In one study, the number of people who had had sexual experiences with people of the same gender were twice as many as the number who considered themselves gay or bisexual.

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To complicate things further, you can have a mixture of attractions to the same gender, when it comes to both physical and emotional intimacy. It varies. Every individual is a minefield of random quirks and desires.

What does this all mean, though? Human desire is not cut and dry. He wants to put things in the "back door. If anything, be flattered that he's comfortable enough to try new things with you. Also, it is a common misconception that all gay men are into this kind of thing or that the act is inherently gay. In fact, a lot of gay guys don't do this at all. He wants to get spicy in the bedroom. Again, he might just want to add some excitement to your sex life. He has had sex with men. I know, I know! But bear with me here. Being effeminate or showing interest in his personal appearance.

This is just a stereotype basically. This has nothing to do with appearance, mannerisms, or fashion choices. Those are just the ones you tend to notice.

What Is Sexual Orientation? (i.e. What Does It Mean to Be Gay?)

Furthermore, I personally know several effeminate straight men. On the other hand, here are some signs that are better indicators that your boyfriend might actually have a preference for men:. You might think it's great at first when your boyfriend doesn't stare at other women, but this is extremely unusual. Most men frequently think about sex and unconsciously look at attractive people.

It's not even deliberate most of the time—it's just a reflex. If an attractive woman with a rack that she can use as a shelf saunters by in a skimpy outfit and your boyfriend simply yawns and doesn't even seem to notice her, this might be a red flag that he's not into women. Straight men never had youthful noticings, or rarely had them.

Usually, if a guy is closeted, he won't be obvious about this. Even openly gay men know better than to ogle men in public, considering the negative social consequences. If you're a guy who is interested in other guys, a tiny "look" is enough.

Next time you're with your man, watch for this look if an attractive man walks by. Pay attention to where his eyes are pointed. Did a shirtless guy just walk by, and he quickly raked his eyes up and down the guy's six-pack? Did he steal a look at his crotch? Another thing to watch out for is eye contact.

Just as you might look at a man that you like and there's a brief exchange of energy there between you and him, the same is true for a gay or bi guy when he interacts with a man he likes, even briefly. Did he seem to meet eyes with another man and it lasted a little too long? Men who live in Western countries, like those of North America and Europe, usually won't make prolonged eye contact with other men, unless they're about to fight or about to get it on or both. According to Joe Kort, a psychotherapist specializing in gender and sexuality, the beach test is usually a good way to sort this one out.

This is usually how gay men feel. If your boyfriend seems a little too eager to cuddle with his buddies, or he is very keen on being naked around them, bathing with them, or doing other potentially intimate activities with them, this is a sign that he might be attracted to men. Now, it could be that he's just very secure in his masculinity, since there's nothing inherently gay with hugging other guys, but the fact that he has to go against social norms to do this speaks volumes. Western guys tend to show their affection for each other more with playful wrestling or fighting, if anything.

However, if your boyfriend is from a non-English-speaking culture, especially South Asia, East Asian, or the Middle East, it's actually not that unusual in certain countries for men to embrace, kiss, or even walk down the street holding hands. This doesn't mean he's necessarily gay. Most straight men have no problem with gay guys.

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But if your boyfriend actively hates gay men even if they have never done anything to him and never speak to him, then this is extremely telling. You've probably heard loads of stories about anti-gay preachers who were later discovered to be trolling gay hookup sites. Many times, a man who hates the fact that he likes other men will take it out on gay people and treat them badly. At the very least, it's not unusual for a guy who is denying his sexuality to fear coming into contact with people who are living with their gayness freely. Homophobia is one of the biggest signs that your boyfriend or husband might be questioning his sexuality.

Maybe he's not homophobic, but do his ears perk up when you mention that one of your friends is gay? Does he ask a lot of questions about them? Does he seem interested in how they came out to their parents, or what other people's reactions were? Similarly, does he bring up people's sexuality a lot? Does he talk about how this or that person at his job turned out to be gay? Does he mention gay family members of his a lot?

I Found Out My Husband Is Gay

He may be interested because he himself is gay or bisexual, but may not know it yet, or simply doesn't know how to express it. Of course, if he only talks about these things occasionally, he could just be a curious guy. Human beings like to gossip about the sexuality of others. This could mean several things. For one, your boyfriend could be asexual or he might just not be attracted to you anymore for a variety of reasons.

People change and so do their tastes. Just because he's ignoring you temporarily or distracted with other things, doesn't necessarily mean he's uninterested you, either. However, if he never really seemed that into touching you, even in the beginning of your relationship when you're supposed to be in a honeymoon period, then something is probably wrong.