What a huge red flag blowing in the warm summer wind! It wasn't like I hadn't told him about my new abstinence plan when we met. He said he was okay with it, but apparently he wasn't. I felt like Charlotte York, who'd had a similar N.
That First Date
I wished Paul good luck and vowed never to see him again, which was one promise I managed to keep. Now when I think back on Paul, I know I made the right decision, before and after our final date. I spent weeks back then cursing him -- and guys like him -- for being oversexed, for being obsessed with instant gratification, for not wanting to get to know the guys they slept with before sleeping with them. But if Paul and I were to happen today, things would probably play out differently.
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This realization came to me during a conversation with my Facebook friend Gavin, who made an interesting comment regarding sex on the first date:. I've never understood some peoples' claim that having sex early on destroys any chance for something substantial. My experience has been if you hold off on sex for a few dates or even a few months, when you get to it the chemistry is still either on or off, and if it's off you have a relationship that doesn't work.
I concurred completely, not because I have anything against the three-date rule, which is generally implemented by women in straight relationships, nor for any doubt that it can work for gay men. It's just that I'm pretty sure it doesn't work for me. No, I'm not afraid of missing out on another Paul.
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But it's easier for me to get to know a potential paramour once we've pushed the big old elephant out of the room. Does sex too soon ruin relationships before they begin? Well, consider this: With one exception by far the most disastrous of all my relationships , I slept with every guy who became my boyfriend on or before our first date.
None of those romances lasted forever, but then, relationships rarely do, regardless of when you put out. I know as many couples gay and straight in solid long-term relationships that began as hook-ups as I do couples who went the slow-courtship route. It all depends on how you want to start your honeymoon phase. There was so much build up to their first time that it became this big thing that naturally disappointed both of them to the point where the future of their relationship hinged on whether they could get it right in bed.
Six ways to be a good first date
Wouldn't it have been so much easier if they'd just gotten it out of the way on or before the first date like Monica and Chandler on Friends , who wisely began as BFFs with benefits and then started dating , before expectations about the future complicated everything, including the mechanics of sex like Joey and Rachel, who couldn't even get to first base after overthinking it? In my own experience, dates tend to go much more smoothly once we've confirmed our physical connection. Terms like good or bad hair, breaking down the exact amount of non black blood that flows through your veins means we can't even be text buddies.
Artificial pretty boys. I know it's shallow but I've never had any interest in guys who have shaped eyebrows, wear makeup, have relaxed hair, wear tight clothes or excessive amounts of jewelry. Also not a fan of fake "thug drag". I'm a pretty versatile conversationalist and am willing to talk about anything to keep a flow going but even my eyes will go dead once the talk turns to favorite diva or worse reality show vixen.
I think you just have to be upfront with what you're want. Chat and make it clear that you're getting to know people, not just hook up. The ones just looking for a quick hookup will likely make it known that they don't feel like getting to know you by leaving the conversation or blocking you. Why spend time chatting when they can find someone else who's ready to hop in bed? This could lead to frustration if you repeatedly get shut down when trying to simply chat, but there should be a few dudes looking for more than sex.
Fortunately, you're in the state capitol and not the boonies.
TyrocThe most egregiously offensive deal breaker is not laughing or finding humor in my corny jokes! I am actually dealing with a situation now where this guy I'm "getting to know", seems to be too cool for school and I am lucky to get a "You silly…" or an "Lol" in text form which I hate BTW , let alone genuine laughter! I think I'll take high over drunk any day.
I know guys who being high is actually their natural state and just aren't themselves when they are sober; weird innit. I think I'm guilty of number three…. I'm very self-conscious of my personality because I've been told that I'm intimidating and that I have a strong personality…. At this point in my life, I really don't care about how much the dude makes; not even if he's unemployed….
I will say though, if I'm expected to pay for everything especially when I'm not the one who asked to meet up every time we get together, that'll be a problem for me yeh. I'm the opposite for number five…. I think it'll be a deal breaker if your nonchalant rather than being picky and knowing what you want. It frustrates me when I ask a guy what they'd like to do to get a feel of what they're interested in and they just say "whatever" or "I'm down for anything.
Ehh, number six is kind of tricky…. But even then, I'd just be cautious of your behaviour and question things you tell me; more than likely, I'll continue on with the date. Lying about your name on the other hand is a gurentee ticket for me to walk out on your ass. If I'm sexually attracted to the person and they me, I don't see a problem with number 7…. Jesus, number eight I'd have to agree with. I'd never tell dude that's the reason but I'm too obsessed with teeth to get over it and not have it affect me.
We're not all about hook ups.
Ehh, number nine is something that I haven't come across yet so I can't really say yeh…. LOL Unfortunately my regular smile tends to come off a little sarcastic as well. It sounds like something one would be able to get over, and probably had it come out long after we had been dealin with each other and I'de had the time to let him "grow on me" I coulda dealt with it, but it was really too much.
I'm pretty easy going. The only real "deal breakers" I have are excessive phone use, and "girls in men's clothing". The other shyt on the list for me, ranges from tolerable to irritating, but depending on where my head is at t that moment, I'll either give a 2nd date a chance or just try and f K and cut my losses I f the other guy is down for that. The incompatible senses of humor thing seems like a legitimate reason to not waste time.
What was so horrible about his humor? Mine is juvenile, perverse, morbid, usually very inappropriate and often would go over my dates heads, which is how I could mostly tell if they were really listening or not.
Do you really need to send a text message during the middle of the date? I promise. Your date, however, may not be. Email address:. Username or Email Address. Remember Me. Cypher Avenue , 5 years ago 17 6 min read Dude is too picky about food and entertainment So yeah, this one seems goofy but I just know a lot of people who call of a first date before it starts because the guy they are interested in seems to be overly picky about where to eat or what to do on the first date.
Dude did not look like his photographs I will never understand why someone would send a picture of themselves to someone else for the purposes of getting a first day where the picture just not accurate. Dude is looking for a hook up I can totally understand how sexual energy on a first date can cause two guys to want to skip the pleasantries and get down to business.
Dude keeps talking about his ex! Dude is just not compatible in the bedroom Under this gay first date deal breaker, it somehow comes up during the first get together that individual A is sleeps on the top bunk and individual B takes the bottom. Final Thoughts The list I have here is certainly not complete and I am sure you could add a great deal to what I have posted. With that shared — what are your first date deal breakers? Topics ranging from sex, sports, movies, new tech, science, fashion, comic books, politics, working out, hip hop, booze, television, cars, the outdoors, geek stuff, dating, and relationships; you name it, we have it.
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What is it like to be on a first same-sex date after years of straight dating/marriage? - Quora
Discuss This! The good and the bad. Neither option is better or worse than the other. Related Topics:. Featured First Date Gay Sex.