You're gayer than Judy Garland's Christmas ornaments.

I Went to a 'Tops' and 'Bottoms' Speed-Dating Event

You're a sham! Once everyone had registered, our organizer separated us into our respective groups. Come over here! And just like that, there we were: It was like a nightmarish game of dodgeball that would air on LOGO. I was surprised to see that of the ish men there, only three including me were dressed up. Far too many of the men, who were essentially about to go on at least 15 first dates, were wearing T-shirts and tank tops.

I Went to a 'Tops' and 'Bottoms' Speed-Dating Event | HuffPost

Whereas I tried to look as though I had just gotten off my fancy job as a writer, a majority of the men looked as though they had just left their shift at Aeropostale. Had all these men lost hope? Why were they dressed like that dude from high school who always tries to sell you knives when you run into him every trip back home?

If you learn anything from me at all, it's that you should always dress how you want to feel, not how you actually feel. To be blunt, most of the men on either side including me were average-looking -- sometimes aggressively so. These men weren't the living mannequins you see gliding on the roller skates of their good looks through Chelsea.

I'd like to go on record and say those men are horrible, and the human equivalent of a parfait. The men here were normal dudes: Have you ever been at a party and realized, with a cold sweat and a shiver of dread, that you were the smartest one in the room? It's happened to me once before; I realized that if I was the smartest person in the room, then we were all screwed. That's how I imagine this gentleman felt, except that instead of being the smartest man in the room, he was the best-looking.

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This was only heightened by the fact that most of the men at the event were, as I said, aggressively average -- like, community-college average. Once the dating part begins, the ladies will be seated at their allocated table. The men will start with the corresponding number. After four minutes, the bell will be rung; and all the girls will stay seated and all the guys will move round.

Between each date we allow a little time for you to make your notes on your dates using your interest card. The events will continue with a fifteen to twenty minute half time break until you have met everyone there. For those who garner matches, you will be notified via e-mail within 24 hours of the event ending of your match results.

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